Have You Ever?

Summary

By providing these questions, Van Evera is attempting to make the tough situations easier. By giving people a different avenue to express themselves to others and ease the pressure in these intimate situations. Although the book is meant for lesbian couples, as Van Evera was a lesbian herself, the book can be used amongst all different relations and dynamics. Thus hopefully providing a better way to gain insightful information about others and get people to have conversations.  

Analysis

By providing these questions, Van Evera is attempting to make the tough situations easier. By giving people a different avenue to express themselves to others and ease the pressure in these intimate situations. Although the book is meant for lesbian couples, as Van Evera was a lesbian herself, the book can be used amongst all different relations and dynamics. Thus hopefully providing a better way to gain insightful information about others and get people to have conversations. 

Example Questions From Text

Have you ever wanted to end a relationship with someone, but still have sex with the person now and again?

For each of your breakups, what or who was the cause?

Would you be willing to be blindfolded while tied up? 

Suppose your lover went out of town and ended up having a fling an old flame. Would you want to be told? Would it matter if your lover promised never to see the other woman again? Would an admission of infidelity change your relationship? If so, in what way? If you were the one who had the fling, would you tell your lover? Why or why not? 

Do you suffer from chronic headaches? 

Describe your best memory from childhood. Describe your worst memory. Describe your scariest.

Cultural context

Have You Ever? was released in 1994, and Alyson Publications won Publisher of the Year the same year. Many other gay publications are gaining prominence in this time.

There was a growing popularity of coffeeshops and coffeeshop culture in the U.S. According to an article published in the Baltimore Sun from the year that Have You Ever? was released, "One customer said it was a great place to meet girls. Can you imagine a guy saying that five years ago?" (Stiehm). The claim points to a clear shift in conventions around cafés. Another quote from the same article: "We're more spoiled, but because of our lower income overall, we have to settle for lesser pleasures, like a good cup of coffee."  With the growing popularity of coffee in the 1980s and 1990s, library cafes began to emerge with many libraries starting to offer various robust coffee options within their storefronts. 

Another cultural shift can be seen in the rise of self-help rhetoric, as cities and many industries began to grow at exponential rates during the late 1900s into the 2000s.

Works Cited

Anderson, Tom. “Personal Growth for the Modern Learner.” Blinklist Magazine, 27 May 2020, https://www.blinkist.com/magazine/posts/long-read-fascinating-history-self-help.

Musa, Zul. “Books and Coffee: The Perfect Culture and Lifestyle Blend.” PublishingState.Com, 2 Dec. 2023, publishingstate.com/books-and-coffee/2023/#:~:text=The%20concept%20of%20the%20bookstore,cafe%20model%20we%20see%20today. 

Stiehm, Jamie. “Baltimore Sun Archive from 1837-2024.” Baltimore Sun, 4 Apr. 1994, https://web.archive.org/web/20211127183549/https://www.baltimoresun.com/news/bs-xpm-1994-04-04-1994094074-story.html. 

Van Evera, Anna. Have You Ever? Alyson Publications, 1994.