The Two of Us

About the author

Larry J. Uhrig was born April 18, 1945 in Reading, Pennsylvania to Joe and Arlene Uhrig. His father worked as a nondenominational Christian minister. Larry went on to receive his B.A. from Michigan State University, then enrolled in the Methodist Theological Seminary in Ohio where he received a degree in 1970 and was ordained as a member of the United Methodist clergy.

In 1977, Larry was elected pastor of the Metropolitan Community Church in Washington, D.C. He sought to increase its diversity through outreach to queer individuals and people of color. Additionally, he led the congregation to partner with clinics, hospitals, and other MCC churches to host one of the first AIDS forums in the nation. Under Larry’s leadership, MCC secured a permanent location for his church in the late 1980s. 

Larry Uhrig formed a relationship with Alan B. Fox in 1977, and eventually they formed a holy union. Besides The Two of Us, he also wrote Sex Positive: A Gay Contribution to Sexual and Spiritual Union. On December 26, 1993, shortly after the opening of the new ministry center. Uhrig died of complications due to AIDS. 

Summary

The book begins by asking the question, “Who should be getting married?” Uhrig uses anecdotes from his own experience as a minister to offer advice about how to ensure a couple is ready to enter a holy union, and describes the common pitfalls and mistakes couples make in entering into a union or marriage before they are ready. Couples mistakenly enter into a marriage/holy union because of infatuation, jealousy, and attachment issues. All couples need to work through hard questions before marriage, but gay couples specifically face the unique problem of choosing what parts of a traditional marriage they will emulate and which they wish to be liberated from. Uhrig goes on to advise on how to overcome internalized ideas of relationships in order to thrive as a gay couple. All couples must be open to compromise and willing to have difficult conversations. It is important to consider that gay couples are stereotyped to never last; this trope can be a burden on many healthy gay and lesbian relationships. In truth, Uhrig suggests, there are many lifelong successful gay relationships that simply are not celebrated. 

Uhrig outlines the differences between a holy union and other partnerships; he stresses specifically that a holy union is intrinsically religious, and suggests that it is disrespectful to think of it otherwise. However, we are not often encouraged to merge ideas of religion and sexuality, which poses a challenge for how to consider a holy union as a gay or lesbian couple. Uhrig suggests the idea of bringing a mindset of blessings into all aspects of a relationship in order to nurture each other. By viewing spirituality as a blessing, gay couples can more easily liberate themselves from the religious views often wielded against them. 

Analysis

Objectives

This text has four primary aims; to provide advice and instruction for Christian gays and lesbians seeking a holy union from the church; to provide acceptance and validations for the religious and spiritual experiences of gays and lesbians; to dissect stereotypes about unhealthy gay and lesbian relationships and provide examples of thriving healthy gay partnerships; and to provide several template versions of a “Contract of Commitment” to be used in a holy union that outline the important expectations and purposes laid out throughout the book. Progressive for its time, The Two of Us offers a rare perspective into the intersection of queerness and Christianity.

Religious Content

The Two of Us offers advice specific to Christian gay and lesbian couples, challenging the idea that all gay people leave the church, are atheist, or cannot also be Christian. The idea of a gay man being a Methodist clergy member even departs from many modern Christian notions of who can lead a congregation or offer a holy union. The release of this book signifies the early discourse on who can and can’t be Christian, receive God’s blessing in a union, or be a pastor; conversations that have only become more emotionally charged and frequent since.

Cultural context

Far before Obergefell v. Hodges, the concept of a holy union was the one of the only near-equivalent symbolic shows of commitment to a marriage, and most churches did not even offer them to gay couples. The first state to legalize gay marriage, Massachusets, only did so on May 17th, 2004, so Uhrig wrote The Two of Us with a very different conception of gay and lesbian futures. Gay marriage or holy unions are still rarely acceptable in most churches, so despite the legal progression in queer unions, many of Uhrig’s religious perspectives remain very radical. 

Published in 1984, The Two of Us is set in the context of the AIDS epidemic. AIDS was first mentioned in the New York Times in 1981, and would take over 100,000 lives by 1990, uniquely impacting gay relationships and their perception across the globe. Larry Uhrig’s ultimate tragic death due to AIDS complications signifies the larger emergency within the gay community during the time of this book’s publication.

Works Cited

“Larry Uhrig.” LGBTQ Religious Archives Network, https://lgbtqreligiousarchives.org/profiles/larry-uhrig. Accessed 10 Mar. 2024

“Milestones in the American Gay Rights Movement.” American Experience, https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/stonewall-milestones-american-gay-rights-movement/. Accessed 10 Mar. 2024.

“Current Trends Mortality Attributable to HIV Infection/AIDS, United States, 1981-1990.” https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/00001880.htm#. Accessed 3 Apr. 2024.